I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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