...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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