sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
