Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
