His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
