vagina is talking i cant
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
