There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
