I puked a lego.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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