Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
