i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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