i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
