The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
