i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
tell me about the eggs
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
