I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize