Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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