it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
