you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
