Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am naked and annoyed.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
