please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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