i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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