All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
