Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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