Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
