This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
