i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
