My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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