meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
