My friends, they love my intelligence
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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