so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
