I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
