I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
