so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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