Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
