I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
