So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
