All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I want to fling myself into the sun
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
