dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
