is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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