Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
