i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize