I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
