He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just gift wrapped bread.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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