Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
