My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
