I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
