You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
