remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
