i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize