I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
