oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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