Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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