This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
