puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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