He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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