Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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