these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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