I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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