Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
