Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
