i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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