I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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