How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
