The maid of honor just puked.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
