HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it's like iHOP with fire
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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