I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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