This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
