ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
