so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize