i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
