i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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