I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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