Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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