Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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