I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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