Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
