Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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